What makes long distance relationships work and even be stronger
Despite the general opinion that most long-distance couples break, statistics say something different. “About 40% of couples in long-distance relationships break up.” (Wikipedia) So, then, what makes the other 60% work? Some would even argue that not only are long distance relationships worth it, but they are better or stronger because they have what the relationships of people living together lose in the long run or don’t have from the start. And from the perspective of our MobileRecharge.com community, which hosts many people in long distance relationships, long distance relationship gifts also play an important role besides technology and passion. But of course, there’s much more than that, let’s not be superficial. We’ve written several articles about different aspects about long distance relationships in the past, but we need a fresh perspective from time to time.
About 40% of couples in long-distance relationships break up; around 4.5 months into the relationship is the time when couples most commonly start having problems. Also 70% of couples in a long-distance relationship break up due to unplanned circumstances and events. About 75% of couples in long-distance relationships end up being engaged at some point in the relationship. Around 10% of couples still maintain a long-distance relationship after marriage. About 3.75 million married couples are in a long-distance relationship in the US alone. (Long-distance relationship, Wikipedia)
It all depends on the people involved: personal philosophy, lifestyle and expectations
No recipe could tell you what to do to make your long distance relationships work. But there are some common-sense conclusions. The motivation behind actions.
If any of these… money, your career, a humanitarian project, or independence is a top priority, then you may feel comfortable in a long distance relationship. Because a partner is a bonus; btw, all partners should be a life bonus, not the satisfier of one’s needs. To stay in the healthy zone. Then being away is the way to gain money, develop your career or a humanitarian project, or be in the military camp the reason you’ve trained for all your life. It doesn’t feel like a sacrifice.
Stephanie V shares on that on Quora.
So, yes, long distance relationships can and do work. I would offer the following pointers:
it helps if each of you has a strong commitment to the work/school you are doing. If you are strongly focused on work, then having a long distance relationship gives you many of the benefits of a relationship while still allowing you to work crazy hours and be a social hermit most of the time.
you need to be really clear about mutual expectations re: monogamy.
communicate! communicate! communicate!
Curiosity vs the stereotype of intimate communication
A couple is a complex affair. And after years, psychologists and couple therapists state that many couples lack interest in each other. Like any human being, they crave novelty. For a good reason. Novelty is knowledge and growth. YET, we make a huge mistake. We start from the premise that we know the other so well after years of living together. That we know what they think, what they’re going to say or do next. Which is a lie.
In long distance relationships that are a bit absurd. The insecurity is a bit higher. And insecurity again feeds desire. The routine is not shareable. Plus, there’s less familiarity when you have less face-to-face interaction. Many of our expat customers use the phone as often as the video call. On the go, or while doing commuting. So, it’s hard to grasp…
Then, how could you get bored when stories change every day? You literally cannot hear the same story on and on. When you live apart, you live different stories that you can share before going to bed. Just like at the beginning of your love story. Long distance relationships work because somehow they keep the love story high and the life story in the second place. And let’s face it, a life story includes laundry, dishes, screaming kids, and admin issues.
Distance-approach ratio for desire
So then again, distance is a catalyst of desire. While couples in therapy get the advice to move a bit away from each other and get a good look from afar for objectivity, the long distance partners have it by default. The worse that can happen is to get get desire to the next level pouring over them, and tiring them down.
Distance is crucial, of course, to make long distance relationships work. There’s a difference between having your partner living on the same continent, or not. Not in terms of traveling time but in terms of costs and personal budget. That on one hand.
But distance has a nice twist to it. The interplay distancing and getting closer is not the vitamin but the blood of long lasting and strong relationships. And ironically long distance relationships work because of that. The distance creates a space for desire. Also, a space for curiosity, that many close-by-relationships lose over time. There’s this preconception that intimate communication with the loved one you see every day can be anticipated, that you know what he/she is going to say or think. It’s a lie or a wrong-doing in itself (the thought of it) if you were to ask us at MobileRecharge.com, surrounded by long distance relationships, but a natural behavior if you were to ask the specialists.
Precious time, household arguments out
We’ve mentioned distance. There’s another twist to it than leading to desire. When you don’t live every day with your partner, you cannot see the sink full of dishes. You cannot argue around socks that wander about the house. Those household topics are missing, so the arguments triggering them as well.
When time spent together is short, people tend to summarize and focus on the best part. What really matters. Plus, they are not the socks victim or hunter of the partner. ;)
Today’s technological world helps a lot. No, it diminishes the gap between two partners and is an important factor why long distance relationships work in the first place. Stephany V tells her long distance love story and life story on Quora. And makes a good point. If people could manage without technology and rudimentary means, we have no excuse that communication is impossible.
My husband and I had a moderately long distance relationship for the first nine years we were romantically involved (1980-1989). During this time I lived in New York and he lived in Washington, DC. This was before mobile phones, text messaging, email, and most personal computers, so the context and challenges were very different from today. — Stephanie V, Quora
BTW, telecom company KeepCalling has among the lowest rates plus high quality of routes for long distance calls to local numbers in different countries. They use VoIP technology, meaning you get a PIN online for free, get Voice Credit or a Monthly Plan with unlimited minutes for as much as $10 and you can call multiple numbers. Or there’s the friendliest carrier in the USA, Tello. They’ve got personalized combos for as little as $5. Yes, no misspelling there.
Some people just have better chemistry than others. It’s nature, ask her! Most long distance couples we know first met in person, then moved away from each other. But one catalyst that makes long distance relationships work is passion. Mutual passion. That inner strength of compatibility in mind and body can turn lovers into soldiers, and help anyone find a solution. Not all couples have it. Or if they don’t, they are the rational type who can manage thoughts and behaviors to keep a structure like a couple going.
But generally speaking, passion is the inner motivation to “fix” distance even when technology was poor.
Even during the days when we were “just friends,” we wrote to each other, sent envelopes of amusing newspaper and magazine clippings, etc. (Yes! people did this before email.) We did more of this once we became a couple. We sent each other funny/affectionate greeting cards and talked on the phone almost every day, some days more than once. We saw each other roughly every other weekend (I would travel to DC once a month, he would come to NYC once a month.) — Stephanie V, Quora
Why and what GIFTS
Oh, we mentioned gifts in the beginning. It doesn’t have to be something expensive unless it’s affordable and really useful. Say, the camera she’s always dreamed of, or the sewing machine they would not get for themselves. You name it. Send the gift via an international delivery service. But that can be pretty expensive. Another option is to buy from their local country and let the providers deliver it to the door. Imagine the surprise.
Another option we see works well, and we support, are online mobile top ups. Or loads or airtime. That’s a small gift that helps them with their local or international calls or data. So, how can anyone not make the best of that? Here’s the link to check out more >>
- Create a free account, no contract
- Install MobileRecharge app or go to the webiste MobileRecharge.com
- Pick the country, amount, or bundle you want to send, the country and enter the phone number you want to load
- Pay with PayPal or any Visa or Mastercard, and they get the balance on the spot
There’s a Promotions page that hosts daily bonuses to African countries, Latin America, the Caribbean, or other parts of the world.
So, why are gifts important in a relationship?
It seems ancient Egyptians were among the first civilizations to practice the tradition of gift-giving. In short, we give gifts as a way of showing appreciation, support, but above all… thoughtfulness, love, and affection. Gifts bring joy or pleasure to the receiver. Who didn’t feel good to receive one?
Let’s draw the (long distance) line
- There are elements that make long distance relationships work better than others.
- Distance builds desire, curiosity, and keeps arguments about dishes away.
- Passion is the starter, technology is the bridge. And nowadays there are video calls, SMS, instant messages.
- GIFTS play a great role. They translate care, attention, protection. And you can count on MobileRecharge.com for such small gifts like mobile recharges or loads from miles away, in just a minute. Oh, daily international mobile top up BONUSES included. >>